Self-Care Starts With Safety – Q&A With Bethune House's Edwina A. Antonio & Mensō's Myriam Shemtov

HONG KONG

There is a woman you probably know. She is capable and composed. She shows up. She makes plans, sends voice notes, and takes care of the people around her. And behind a closed door — one you have never been through — something is happening that she has not yet found the words for. Or perhaps she has the words, but not the belief that anyone will listen.

This is not a rare story. According to data, around one in four women are affected by domestic abuse. Not one in a hundred. Not a distant statistic. One in four — which means, in almost any room you walk into, the woman beside you may be carrying something invisible and enormous.

It is this reality that sits at the heart of Take Care of You, a three-month campaign bringing together Hong Kong home fragrance brand Mensō, designer Emma Wallace, and Bethune House — the city's refuge for women affected by violence and exploitation, now marking 40 years of service. A portion of proceeds from the campaign supports Bethune House directly. We spoke with Mensō's Myriam Shemtov and Edwina A. Antonio, Executive Director of Bethune House.

Q&A with Edwina A. Antonio, Executive Director of Bethune House

Bethune House has been providing refuge for 40 years. From your perspective, how has the conversation around domestic violence evolved and where does it still fall short?

Over the past 40 years, there has been a slow but positive shift from silence to recognition. Domestic violence is now more widely acknowledged as a societal issue rather than a private matter, and there is greater awareness around legal protections, refuge services, and the need for coordinated support for those affected.

However, the conversation in Hong Kong, and globally, still falls short in several important ways.

Firstly, public understanding remains too narrow. Abuse is still often associated solely with physical violence, while patterns of coercive control, psychological harm, and economic restriction are less well recognised. Internationally, organisations like Refuge have helped reframe abuse around power and control, and this is an area where, in my view, more progress is needed in Hong Kong.

Secondly, and very specifically in Hong Kong, there are structural vulnerabilities affecting foreign domestic helpers. Many of the women supported by Bethune House experience forms of abuse that are not always recognised as “domestic violence” in the traditional sense, but are deeply harmful. This can include contract violations, excessive working hours, underpayment or non-payment, inadequate food and accommodation, and sustained verbal abuse.

These conditions often intersect with broader issues of exploitation and, in some cases, trafficking. Women may be isolated, financially dependent, and fearful of losing their employment or immigration status. As a result, many normalise these experiences or feel unable to speak out.

Finally, stigma and fear remain significant barriers. Many women worry they will not be believed, or fear retaliation if they come forward. So while awareness has improved, translating that awareness into protection, particularly for the most vulnerable groups, remains a critical gap.

Many people still struggle to recognise abuse, especially when it isn’t physical. What are some of the less visible forms of harm that deserve more awareness?

Some of the most damaging forms of abuse are also the least visible, and often the hardest to recover from. Emotional abuse, financial manipulation, and restricting access to families, friends, and resources. These forms of abuse leave no visible scars (but scars can be as deep as physical violence), making it difficult for outsiders and sometimes even survivors to recognise.

Coercive control and emotional abuse are among the most significant. This can include isolating someone from their support network, monitoring their movements, restricting access to money, or creating an ongoing sense of fear and dependency.

Psychological abuse can be equally harmful. Persistent belittling, intimidation, and manipulation gradually erode a woman’s confidence and sense of self. Many of the women we support describe feeling deeply traumatised, unable to sleep or eat, and struggling with a loss of dignity and self-worth.

In Hong Kong, these less visible forms of harm are particularly evident among foreign domestic helpers. Abuse may present as chronic overwork, deprivation, verbal humiliation, or financial control rather than physical violence. Because these behaviours are sometimes normalised within certain employment contexts, women may initially believe “this is just how things are.”

Part of our role at Bethune House is to help women recognise that these experiences are not acceptable and that they have the right to safety, rest, fair treatment, and dignity.

Campaigns like this bring the issue into more public, lifestyle-oriented spaces. How important is that kind of visibility?

Public campaigns are most effective when they combine visibility with accessibility: not just telling people abuse exists, but educating people where to go, who to call, and how communities can respond.  Bethune House’s work is a good example - its visibility campaigns or advocacy are tied directly to concrete shelter and support. 

Bringing these conversations into more public and accessible spaces helps challenge the idea that domestic violence is rare or confined to certain groups. In reality, it affects a wide range of women, including the “1 in 4” in Hong Kong, and can take many different forms.

This is a big reason why Bethune House is part of Take Care of You with Mensō. For me, it’s a reminder that we are all people first. Anyone can be affected, regardless of background or circumstance. I have been with Bethune House since 1981 and have seen this firsthand, abuse is abuse, and everyone has a right to be protected from it. In my view, that starts with education.

For foreign domestic helpers, visibility is especially important. Their experiences often take place behind closed doors and are framed as employment issues rather than abuse. By raising awareness more broadly, we can begin to shift that perception and encourage greater accountability.

Their situation may look different from that of a married or cohabiting woman from a more affluent background, but the underlying dynamics are often the same: fear, control, intimidation, and isolation. What helps is a broader understanding that abuse can affect anyone, regardless of education, finances, or social standing.

At Bethune House, we see the impact of being heard. When a woman is able to share her story, sometimes for the first time, it can be the beginning of her recovery. A step towards rebuilding confidence, reclaiming dignity, and moving forward.

What are the most urgent needs for organisations like Bethune House right now, beyond funding?

Beyond shelter, survivors urgently need legal aid, healthcare, psycho-social support, and safe housing pathways.  Many organisations report scaling back these services due to resource constraints, leaving survivors vulnerable.

Beyond funding, one of the most urgent needs is awareness that leads to action.

We need a stronger public understanding of what abuse actually looks like, particularly the non-physical forms. This helps individuals recognise their own situations earlier, and it also helps communities respond more appropriately.

Trust is another critical factor. Many of the women who come to Bethune House arrive frightened, unsure, and often expecting not to be believed. Building that trust, sometimes from the very first conversation, is essential.

There is also a need for more coordinated support across systems. Women don’t experience abuse in isolation; it intersects with employment, immigration status, health, and mental wellbeing. A more joined-up approach across these areas would make a meaningful difference.

On a practical level, immediate care still matters deeply. Something as simple as a care pack, a toothbrush, toiletries, clean clothing, can be incredibly important in those first moments of crisis. It’s about restoring a sense of dignity and safety. I see this Mensō campaign as a fancy version of a standard care pack and a way for us to remind women to check in on their friends; anyone can be affected by abuse. 

Ultimately, the goal is not only to support women in leaving abusive situations but to help them rebuild, emotionally, practically, and with confidence in their own worth.

For women who may be reading this and questioning their own safety, what would you want them to know?

For any woman questioning her safety, know that abuse is never your fault, you deserve to be safe, respected, and supported. You are not alone, and help is available.

The first thing I would say is: trust your instincts.

If something doesn’t feel right, if you feel afraid, controlled, or diminished, that matters. Abuse is not always physical, and it is not something you have to justify or explain away.

You are not alone, even if it feels that way. Many women who come to Bethune House initially believe their situation is unique or that they should be able to cope. Reaching out, even just to speak to someone, is often the first and most important step.

There is support available, whether through helplines, outreach services, or safe accommodation. And when you are ready, there are people who will listen and take you seriously.

I often say that telling your story is the beginning of empowerment. It doesn’t have to be everything, and it doesn’t have to be all at once. But that first step - speaking, asking, reaching out can change the direction of your life.

You deserve to feel safe. You deserve dignity. And you deserve to be treated with respect.

“Many of the women we support don’t initially identify as victims. They think what they are experiencing is normal. Helping them recognise their own worth is where change begins.”

If you are a migrant worker in need of immediate assistance, or know someone in need of assistance, call the Bethune House hotline +852 9338 0035. More information available HERE.

Learn more about how to support Bethune House HERE.

Q&A with Mensō's Myriam Shemtov

The campaign hinges on a powerful idea: self-care cannot exist without safety. How did this concept first take shape, and why did it feel urgent to address now?

It came from what I was seeing around me, both online and in real life. The manosphere is on the rise, conversations are shifting, and the world is feeling more uncertain for women and girls. In Hong Kong, we often talk about how safe the city is, and in many ways it is. But that’s not the full picture. Domestic abuse is very real here, and it’s something people don’t always want to look at directly.

My own life is stable. I am in a relationship where I feel safe, respected, and supported. That is my reality at home. But I also have women in my life who are living something very different. Conversations over dinner, things shared, situations that are minimised or brushed aside.

After a while, you realise how common it is.

At the same time, I’m building a brand that lives in people’s homes. That connection is impossible to ignore. You’re speaking about comfort, about atmosphere, about feeling good in your space. Yet for many women, that space is where they feel the least safe.

There was a moment where I felt I had to be honest about that. Not to dramatise it, just to acknowledge it properly. We’re all scrolling, watching people share their routines, their version of self-care. And we love being part of that, our candles are designed to bring calm, peace, and a sense of sanctuary. That’s why I started the brand.

But there is also a harder truth. Around 1 in 4 women are affected by domestic abuse. It makes you stop and think, what does self-care really mean if safety isn’t there?

We’re not experts in this space, and we’re not trying to position ourselves as such. The expertise sits with organisations like Bethune House, which has been supporting women in Hong Kong for 40 years. This campaign is about recognising that work, and using our platform to bring more awareness to it.

The women who buy Mensō might come from very different backgrounds than the women who arrive at Bethune House looking for refuge. But that’s also the point. Abuse doesn’t sit in one category. It can affect anyone.

When we wind down in the evening, light a candle, pour a drink, take that moment for ourselves, I want people to think a little more widely. To check in on their friends. To have conversations that aren’t always easy. To make it feel more normal to speak up.

That’s where this started.

Find out more about Bethune House here

Find out more about Mensō here

Find out more about Emma Wallace here